Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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