Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize