We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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