i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
