ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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