I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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