I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm getting married
To pizza
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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