u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
