Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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