He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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