i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
