I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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