It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
