I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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