what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
