yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
