ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
