I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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