now i know why i became what i already was.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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