I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk is not a location!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
