just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
