so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
