im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
