A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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