i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
