Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
