I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
