I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize