Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
