i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
