Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm passing your future prison.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
