Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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