I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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