I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize