you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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