Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
