I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
