I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
