He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
