i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
