just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
