i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
