CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
