So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
