the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
