You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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