I wish my penis had an off switch
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
