as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
