my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
