Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
