I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
