I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
