He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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