the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hippo gnu deer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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