my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
