it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize