I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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