even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
