so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
