also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
