She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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