girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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