I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
