1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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