think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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