Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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