I just threw up on my dentist
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
