I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
