She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
