i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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