I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
