I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
