fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is an emotional support booty call
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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