This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
