I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
